 A part of the forthcoming book, The Septic's Companion. A B C DE F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W Y Z   These are the last three beers people kinder than you bought me. Click on them to see more or buy me one. Feel guilty? Think of the children I might have, and such like. |
daddy long-legs n okay, take a deep breath: Brits think “daddy-long-legs” are crane flies, a.k.a. members of the Tipulidae family, whereas Americans think daddy long-legs are a whole order, Opiliones, also called harvestmen on both sides of the Atlantic. I found pictures of them both on TheFreeDictionary.com. I’m too scared to publish them here in case it’s illegal, but I mention it only because when I clicked on it the page was accompanied by a link saying “Daddy Long Legs on eBay — find daddy long legs items at low prices,” when I looked at it. dado n decorative wooden track that some people think is nice to have around walls at the height of a chair back. Those people are blithering morons. Brits also know such a thing as a “dado rail;” Americans call it “molding”. To confuse things slightly, a “dado” to an American carpenter is a slot in a piece of wood (usually for fitting shelves or cabinets) which Brits call a “rebate” or “housing.” daft adj not in possession of, well, “the full shilling.” Daft can range from the absent-minded: You’ve forgotten to put petrol in it, daft woman! to the criminally insane: Well, once we let him out of the car boot he went completely daft!. dago n Spanish person (rather uncharitable and slightly antiquated). I mean the term is uncharitable and antiquated, not the Spanish person in question. There are two possible etymologies: One is that it is a slightly abbreviated “Diego,” that being of course a popular Spanish name. It may also be a contraction of the town name San Diego (named after Santiago, a.k.a. St. James, the patron saint of Spain). The term is in use in the U.S. but, rather perversely, refers to Italians. damp n (yes, noun) wet rot. You might hear it in a phrase such as: Bob’s moved out of his house as it’s been practically destroyed by damp. damper n shock absorber. The part of a vehicle’s suspension system that stops the suspension from bouncing (rather than actually absorbing any shock). dapper adj as befitting someone who is very much the country squire — well-spoken, well-dressed and rather upper-class. Despite once having been a compliment, the recent unpopularity of the upper classes in the U.K. has made this a mild insult. dear adj expensive. While a little bit antiquated, it’s still in pretty widespread use. demister n defroster. The little network of electrical wires that weave around your car’s rear window and are intended to remove frost. They are perhaps referred to as such in the U.K. because any devices attached to British-built cars have precious little chance of getting rid of frost, and, indeed, don’t stand much of a chance against mist, either. deplane v disembark from an aeroplane. A very antiquated term, it’d be met with a vacant stare by most Brits under forty, as would its antonym, “enplane.” dickhead n another everyday insult, though a fairly offensive one. Let’s say two Offensive Units worse than “asshole.” The units are arbitrary, on a scale I’ve just invented. “Cunt” is a five. diddle v swindle mildly. A colleague might diddle you out of getting the best seats at the game; you’d be less likely to tell of when your grandparents were diddled out of their fortune, leaving them penniless beggars working the streets for cash. Brits do not use the term to refer to onanism. digestive n round biscuit that one generally dunks in one’s tea. Whether it aids the digestion or not, who can tell. dinner n (Northern England) mid-day meal. This is a bit of a generalisation — the words “dinner,” “tea,” “lunch” and “supper” seem to be assigned to meals spattered randomly around the day in both American and English regional dialects. divvy n idiot. Likely derived from “divot,” meaning “clod.” Calling someone a “divvy” is pretty tame, much on a par with telling them they are a “dimwit.” Brits also share the standard meaning, i.e. to divide up. do n party – you might have a drinks do to celebrate a new job: Pat and Jim are having a do to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary. stag do Bachelor Party. doddle n something very easy. dodgem n bumper-car. Once used in U.S. English too, but now chiefly British. Odd that it should imply an aim to the game that is quite the opposite of what it is. dodgy adj something either shady: I bought it off some dodgy punter in the pub, sexually suggestive: The old bloke in the office keeps saying dodgy things to me at the coffee machine, or simply not quite as things should be: I got rid of that car; the suspension felt dodgy. What appalling sentence structure. Fuck it. dog’s bollocks n See “bollocks.” I’m not writing it twice. dog’s breakfast n something which has been made a complete mess of: When we finally got his tax return through it turned out it was a dog’s breakfast. Why the dog should have any worse breakfast than the rest of us, I have no idea. dog’s dinner n same as dog’s breakfast (marginally more common). dog-end n stubbed-out end of a cigarette. More commonly Brits use the international term “butt.” dogsbody n lowly servant. Your “dogsbody” would be the person who polished your shoes, emptied your bins and cleaned your loo. That is, if you were lucky enough to have someone like that. dole n welfare. An allocation of money that the government gives to unemployed people, ostensibly to help them eat and clothe themselves during their fervent search for gainful employment but really for buying fags and lager. dosh n money. A fairly London-based term until being popularised by the Harry Enfield pop song “Loadsamoney.” doss v sit about not doing much. You might describe one of your less-producive colleagues as a “dosser,” because he (or she, I suppose — laziness is not quite confined to males) sits around “dossing” all the time instead of working. double-barreled adj surname which consists of two hyphenated names, such as “Rhys-Jones” or “Fox-Kelton.” dozy adj perhaps most kindly characterised as “slow.” Someone described as “dozy” might be a little sluggish in understanding things. draught n pron. “draft” the flap inside the chimney of an open fire which you can open or close to allow more or less air into the hearth. Americans know it better as a “damper,” which is a part of car suspension in the U.K. draughts n pron. “drafts” two-player board game where each player gets sixteen pieces and takes the opponent’s by jumping over them diagonally. I mean the pieces jump diagonally, not the players. Though it’s an interesting point as to whether two people could really jump over one another diagonally, given that the vector is relative to the positions of them both. In the U.S. the game is known as “checkers.” drawing-pin n thumb-tack. A pin with a fairly large flat head. So called because they were once used to draw blood during satanic rituals. I just guessed that one, it might be wrong. dressing gown n bathrobe; the outfit that you wear if you’re an attractive young lady coming out of the bath to answer the door in a coffee advertisement. Or if you’re Hugh Heffner. Ah, the great contradictions of modern life. dual carriageway n divided highway. There is generally very little difference between a dual carriageway and a motorway except that learner drivers are not allowed onto motorways. dummy n pacifier. One of those teat-things you put in babies’ mouths to stop them crying. Brits share the other meanings ("insult" and "mannekin"). Durex n condom. In the U.K., Durex is a large (possibly the largest, I’m not sure) manufacturer of condoms, and the brand name has slipped into the language (no pun intended). A very similar thing happened in the U.S. with “Trojan.” As an aside, “Durex,” to an Australian, is sticky-tape (a.k.a. Scotch tape). I don’t know if they use it as a contraceptive, and I don’t want to think about it any further. dustbin n trashcan. Can’t think of anything particularly witty to add. dustman n garbageman, trash collector. I presume “dustwoman” is also appropriate in these heady days of sexual equality. duvet n comforter. In the U.K. one sleeps on top of a sheet and directly under the duvet – Brits do not layer sheets underneath it. Dux n “best student” of a class year. Fairly old-fashioned, this is now only used in private schools. I’m told that Americans have “valedictorians” instead, which somehow sounds much grander. dynamo 1 n car alternator, the device that takes power from the engine to recharge your battery as you drive along. Or, in the case of my own fine automobile, takes power from the engine and dribbles it lazily into the ether. This is in fact a very old-fashioned term; nowadays pretty much all Brits call them “alternators.” I probably ought to take this out really, but it seems such a shame now I’ve wasted all these words on it. To waste yet a few more, I was once told that a “dynamo” actually isn’t an alternator, because an alternator generates three-phase alternating current (as opposed to a dynamo’s direct current, as I’m sure you knew) and doesn’t have any brushes. 2 n the device you attach to a bicycle wheel to power things is still called a “dynamo” in the U.K.